The Crying Centaur


Hana Varsano, Staff Writer

The Crying Centaur is a satirical newspaper started by Culver City High School senior Eli Gray during the 2020-2021 school year. Beginning with an article titled “Dr. Tarvyd Finds Students Not, ‘In Class, On time, Every Single Day,’” the publication currently presents satirical articles on a variety of school-related subjects. Its home page, which reads “Real (Award Winning) News,” is guaranteed to make any bad day a good one.

I recently interviewed Eli and fellow writer Sienna Koizumi to see their thoughts on the newspaper.

“For me, I really like satire,” Eli said. Soon after starting the newspaper, he asked Sienna to join his efforts, which she did. Eli says he founded The Crying Centaur to help students relate to all of the idiotic things that can happen on campus.

“There’s a lot of dumb stuff that can happens on campus,” Eli said. “I think some of the dumber articles can give people a little chuckle.”

He and Sienna both decided that a satirical school newspaper would be an excellent idea to make people’s day better. Eli always dreamed of making a satirical newspaper, while Sienna wanted to write. “I never really got to do that stuff,” Eli explained.

Sienna described how the team gets their article ideas and writes them.

We pitch ideas randomly in one chat and we see which one is the most silly,” she said. “We chose what to write based on what other people’s reaction to it is.” Unlike most satirical articles, Eli and Sienna take a creative approach by combining different ideas together.

“We bounce ideas off of each other,” Sienna said. 

Not only has The Crying Centaur grown to make people laugh, but it also has motivated people to do what they love. Sienna has had a passion for writing, but she had to quit for some time due to school – that is, until the comedic newspaper started. Soon after the newspaper she felt motivated to write again.

“I didn’t really have the time to do writing,” Sienna said. “But The Crying Centaur has allowed me to write articles that don’t take that long to write. That’s the most valuable thing I got from this.” 

Unfortunately, The Crying Centaur may only last until next year if it does not get any new writers.

“I would love to pass the torch on, but things are looking a little bleak,” Eli said. “Maybe I’ll find someone.”

“The less likely we’re forced to shut it down, the more likely we won’t,” Sienna said.

You can read The Crying Centaur here