It’s any other day at Culver City High School. The sky is clear, the leaves sway in the breeze, and the hallways and lunch patios are bustling with students after the highly anticipated lunch bell sounds. And perched on top of the school gym and cafeteria, lined up like an ordered military regiment, are seagulls menacingly overlooking this lunch scene.

At any given opportunity, these seagulls will swoop down and devour leftover school pizza, chips, and other food scraps scattered across the tables and campus. But it’s not just these seagulls’ aggressive tendencies that terrorize students, it is also their ability to bomb unsuspecting victims with their minuscule, yet atrocious bird droppings. 

“No one wants to be a victim,” said one student anonymously. “Every day, I live in fear of this.”

And before you ask — no, this is not an overreaction. One cannot understate the impact of these explosive airborne detonators, causing irreversible psychological damage to each victim with a simple splat. Around campus, students have been seen running with their hoods or even backpacks over their heads as they try to take cover from these foul, pooping machines during lunch and passing periods. 

One victim commented anonymously on the experience, understandably hesitant to reveal their status due to the stigma that comes with being bombed by these birds.

“I got pooped on my shirt and I didn’t have napkins, so I had to use water and notebook paper to clean it off,” the student said. “It wasn’t fun and I wouldn’t recommend.”

While the pandemic and transition to online learning had forced the birds to relocate elsewhere to scour for food — students and staff hoping it would be for good — the return to in-person school has led to an even more aggressive and potent group of seagulls to emerge. 

And despite the role that the pandemic played in altering the seagulls’ traveling habits, CCHS students have differing views on a potential solution.

“Just don’t leave out your food. Don’t throw it out on the ground,” said one student. 

Others believe the issue is irreparable, at least based on the current attitude among most students. 

“Realistically, no one will just stop leaving food,” said another student. “This is their territory now and I guess we will have to try to coexist with them.”

Nevertheless, all students can collectively agree on one simple truth; deterring these aggressive bird bombers from campus should be a high priority. Whether that be through enforcing a strict no-littering policy or instilling an environmentally sustainable mindset into CCHS students, which is especially relevant with Earth Week festivities having just occurred, the blueprint for resolving this issue is in our hands. Until then, however, life on campus will continue as always — students living in fear, while seagulls, both figuratively and literally, remain on top.